This story of the Lord's goodness is far over due in being written but as I sat down to write what God has been doing in my life in the past couple year I couldn't get over the Spirit's nudging to document the hand of protection that God had on our family in our first few years of marriage.
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Stones of Remembrance
In the Beginning
Proving that love is in fact blind, even after 5 year of dating, by the grace of God Melissa Brown
married me on June 16th, 2001. It was a beautiful June day and as far as weddings go this one was perfect. The weather was beautiful, so many of the special people in our lives were there and Melissa's parents had provided a first rate wedding. The only complication was not having enough time with all the wonderful friends who were in town to help us celebrate the beginning of our lives together. As with every wedding day, this one had been eagerly awaited and meticulously planned. But there were additional factors that made the day that much more special. First off since the day we met as 15 year olds people joked about how convenient it would be for us to marry as Melissa (aka Missy) wouldn't have to change her name. Secondly, we had dated long distance 9 months of the year for all four years of college. Even well meaning friends early on expressed doubts that we would be able to stay together through college. Others warned that we would not be able to get to "truly experience" college life if we felt tied down by a long distance relationship. But as we look back we see how the opposite was the case. God protected us from hard or unhealthy relationships and allowed us to form lasting friendships without the complications that dating can introduce. We were also able to focus on our studies and actively participate in the ministries at our respective schools (and I at times on mountain climbing or skiing but that is besides the point). Perhaps best of all we had fantastic and romantic trips to see each other. While the trips were more frequent than we perhaps could afford they were worth the investment and paid dividends in memories and a courtship that had it's own unique flavor and established Vermont as a place that we both look on fondly and long to visit. The good byes were made easier each time as our mutual assurance of commitment grew stronger and the chance to begin our lives together drew nearer. The difficulty of distance did grow us stronger. God used that time apart for us to grow dependent on Him so that together we could be the husband and wife that God desired us to be. We came to the marriage ready to love one another as a demonstration of God's goodness and celebration of the unity that the Holy Spirit provided us- despite the 1000 miles between our daily lives. It might be said that we beat the odds by staying together, but that would not be giving the credit where it is due; the Lord kept us together for His purposes.
In Sickness and in Health
In the wedding vows on that day, we promised our love "in sickness and in health" and meant it. We and so many of the people there who knew my clinical history battling severe allergies and asthma thought that Missy was the one for whom that promise was going to be more about the former (sickness). As I will tell you, in the Lord's providence and wisdom that was not the case.
Only a few months into our marriage Melissa began to wake every morning with intense back pain. Soon she was waking up in the night and not sleeping well. We went to see the doctor and tried many things. Eventually we got a MRI that didn't show anything abnormal in her back that would explain the pain. There was a condition called Chiari that the doctors told us we should go see a neurologist about. Perhaps it was frustration with the lack of answers or Missy's inability to describe or pinpoint the pain but we opted to try a new pricey mattress and some physical therapy that the doctor recommended. The notion of more doctors appointments and treating a symptom free condition, "Chiari" whatever that is, was the last thing we wanted to do. But more likely God had more work to do in us and had a greater plan for His glory.
The "Dress Rehearsal"
In addition to the back pain the pain in Missy's hip from a high school soccer injury was getting worse and caused increasing difficulty walking and skiing. I mention the skiing because a good friend had given us his slope side house in
Big Sky Montana. He had graciously given us his house and provided excellent suggestions for where to eat as well as the best masseuse in town. The masseuse was quite amazing and knew a lot about the problems with Missy's hip. She started us down the path of physical therapy to heal the injury to Missy's hip. Back home, a group of Physical Therapists provided some great treatment but there remained a good amount of pain. They suggested a cortisone injection deep into the hip joint. This procedure required full anesthesia and extensive radiology exposure since it is essentially steered by x-rays. This was the most intense surgery (though rather minor as far as surgeries go) that we had to deal with. We were very much in a hour of need and God had equipped us for this trial. By this time Missy and I were well connected at
Harvest Bible Chapel. We had, through our Church, built a great group of friends through the 2:1 ministry (newly married couples small group). They had been surrounding us with prayer through all of the unknowns of this time. My little brother was on a summer missions project in Lake Tahoe, CA. He and his whole team (including the team member who is now his wife) were lifting us up in prayer. My family and many of their contacts across the country and globe were lifting us up in prayer. The peace that the Lord provided in those days was an amazing blessing and largely because of the prayers of so many people. The day of that operation I had just seen Missy for the first time since anesthesia and she was doing well but not fully awake yet. The nurses suggested I let her rest and so I used that time to make my calls letting the team of prayer warriors know that all had gone well. At that point I picked up a voice mail from Melissa's college roommate, Kim. She had called at just the time that we felt the immense anxiety lift and a peace that is hard to explain. Her message was a prayer for the Lord's hand of protection over us and for our hearts to be at peace. The Lord provided us with the medical care we needed, but more importantly with the support we needed from His Body, the Church. We learned first hand what it meant to believe in the power of prayer. James 5:16b-"The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Arnold who?
The cortisone shot was somewhat successful in aiding in with the hip pain. It allowed us to travel out to California and visit my brother on
Lake Tahoe. Unfortunately the back pain continued and even got worse. We visited a few doctors more and got some suggestions but no real answers. Then in late July we were referred to a Neurologist. Both of us thought that it was going to be just another appointment with no answers and because of some conflicts at work Missy decided to go alone to one of these appointments for the first time. A little side: never go to a neurologist alone. The Neurologist, Dr. Cozzens, was certain that the back pain was due to the
Arnold-Chiari Malformation. In Missy's case 26mm of her brain stem were extending down out of the foramen magnum into her spinal cavity. Her symptoms were atypical but the reason for the back pain was that the spinal fluid was not able to flow freely past her brain stem while she was lying down and the discs in her back were drying out. Most Chiari patients suffer from debilitating head aches, visual impairment, loss of feeling and worse. The typical extension that justifies surgery is 7-10 mm and at 26mm the doctors were unable to explain why her symptoms were not worse; even why she was able to walk or breath on her own. The doctor recommended brain surgery as soon as possible.
Processing the news
We got that news the day before we were leaving on our annual road trip to Rockport, MA. We didn't get much sleep that night and the drive was one of the longest we can remember. We spent many hours staring at the road trying to process the news and think of how to tell her family that was all at the beach already. We had just picked up the Third Day album, Offerings II and the line that still rings in my head is "and things of earth will go faintly dim, in the light of His Glory and Strength." We wanted the things of earth to grow dim so we could focus our minds on His Glory and Strength. We needed those 16 hours together on the road to sit together, pray together, cry together, laugh nervously and choose joy despite the trial we were facing. We told Missy's family the night we arrived and the support of the family and time on the beach was just what we needed. We decided to schedule the surgery but to get a second opinion in the mean time just to play it safe; brain surgery isn't something we wanted to rush in to.
Second Opinion- No second guess
The weekend after we got back we went up to a friends place in Michigan. (As I tell this story I realize that we were D.I.N.Ks, (Double Income No Kids) and got to travel a lot) Our friends taught us to water ski and Missy did well after getting dragged behind the boat for a while and holding on with amazing fervor. The Monday after we saw our second opinion doctor who entirely removed any doubts we had about having the surgery. -By the way, I decided to join her on this doctors visit. Think of me as a quick study.- The doctor lacked in the bedside manner department but came highly recommended and was clearly quite bright. His comment was that if we didn't do the surgery and up until we did it we should watch for sudden onset of new symptoms which would most likely not be reversed by the surgery. We ask, "like what?" His answer, "Well a variety of things, headaches, tingling, loss of sensation, auditory and visual hallucinations, sudden onset of death." Like I said- a bit weak in the beside manner but there was no mistaking what we had to do. Two years into our marriage we were scheduling brain surgery.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
Melissa's courage and strength going into the day of surgery was undeniably the hand of God. We were so surrounded by prayer that it should not have come as a surprise. That morning as we drove to the hospital it all felt very surreal. It was so early and such a break from routine to drive to Evanston. I don't recall too many details from that morning until the time that Missy and I had in the pre-opp room. It was a moment that the love that we share was wonderfully tangible. Then Missy's parents showed up and a surprise visitor of pastor Craig, the pastor of the church Missy had grown up in. Missy's dad asked for a prayer and Craig became a vessel for the Holy Spirit to speak just the words that we all needed. As they rolled Missy down the hall to the OR the goodbye was reminiscent of the airport goodbyes we had during college. We knew it would feel like a really long time until we were together again, but we knew that if we looked to the Lord for strength we would soon be together again. Missy told me that it was only a few short minutes that she was alone before the sedation took effect and in those time songs of praise filled her mind and she knew we were doing what had to be done and that God was in control.
On the other side of the walls I was joined by Rich and Sue (Missy's parents), Ev and Jim (my parents), Pastor Craig, Kim (Missy's college roommate), Joe (a good friend of mine from Church), Debbie and Chuck (long time family friends of Missy's- Debbie being a nurse at the hospital which proved very helpful) and a flow of friends and family that made the long 6 hours one of the fond memories of God's goodness. So much support was shown to us; so many hours of prayer; so much reality- only the lasting things matter when brain surgery is happening- and they all came to show how much they cared for Missy. The doctor came out at the end and reported that everything had gone wonderfully because, to quote, "Missy has perfect anatomy. Everything was where it should be." To which I think it was Rich who pointed out if that were the case he would have been at work that day.
"yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes
my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:18-19
After explaining to her that all had gone well and where she was 3 or 4 times as she came out of the sedation it was clear that God had been working in our lives to make us rely upon Him for strength. The recovery was a tough battle; and the first night in the ICU was the hardest point of the whole thing. The difficulty in moving and managing the pain became very overwhelming. It was through this surgery that we learned that Missy's body does not process most pain drugs at all and the ones that did work only worked partially. But much like the relief that came with the sunrise, and visitor hours (and the warm coffee and breakfast they brought) God showed us that He was with us the whole time and we need only look to Him for strength. The pain that Missy was in was only for a season; the back pain was gone; no permanent neurological damage was done. We have yet to hear of anyone with such a severe herniation with no symptoms and most of the time any symptoms of Chiari are not reversible with surgery. We had reason to rejoice, but even had things gone differently, had her symptoms been worse or the surgery not had gone as well we know that God is in control and the hardships in life he allows are not without their purpose.
His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, but as I look to the faithfulness of God as he brought us through the trial He allowed, I am so thankful for His ways. I would never choose them, but having been through the storm I am more in Love with God for all that He is, closer to my wife, more appreciative of our health, and more keenly aware of the joys of this life.
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10 And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!" Revelations 5:13
